Sorry. After doing the caption here, I just couldn’t resist the challenge of coming up with a non-gay, non-slash version of the Sherlock Holmes — John Watson BBC Sherlock wedding. So I hope you enjoy. (I’d love to have some art for this and if I get a chance I may work on it this fall.)
We’re Not A Couple. Of Course You Are.
By J. H. Watson
In all fairness John Watson was justified in failing to become suspicious a bit sooner. He’d received a call from an agent about the possibility of turning his blog into a book, and the follow-up email had put him under a short deadline for the first draft. Which was why he was rather distracted when his flatmate and colleague, Sherlock Holmes started what seemed an abstruse and irrelevant conversation.
“John, would you insist upon a religious wedding?”
John continued typing in his uniquely personal, two-finger method and replied, “Hmmm?”
“Weren’t you listening?”
“Sorry, Sherlock, I wasn’t listening. I’m trying to work over here. I’ve got to get at least another two stories done tonight.”
Sherlock had been sitting in virtually silent contemplation for the last two days. Since they had had to pretend to be filing intentions for a civil partnership so Sherlock could swipe some files from a London registry for some new case. It’d made John a little nervous, but since Sherlock had sprang it on him after they’d reached the desk, John had no choice but to go along or blow the gaff.
Fortunately, the silence had allowed John to complete close to a third of the book, but he knew it was too good to last. He was at the point of writing a tricky bit where he and Sherlock had bent a few laws into pretzels and was trying to figure out how to include it without incriminating themselves, so in his later defense he was a tad preoccupied.
“I asked if you would require a church wedding.”
“Not necessarily. I don’t have a lot of people to invite and church weddings tend to be a bit expensive, not to mention tedious.”
John figured out how to avoid mentioning Sherlock questioning a suspect while John held a gun on the man and went back to pounding the keys of his computer. He said, “But I’d be willing to go with whatever my partner wanted.”
John shrugged. “I figure I’m not going to get a lot of say anyway and it doesn’t make any difference to me, so long as the marriage is legal. Actually, I’d prefer something small with just a few friends.”
“What a sensible attitude, John.”
“That’s me, Mr. Sensible. I just hope you’re aren’t expecting to be best man.”
“Of course not,” Sherlock replied from behind his steepled hands. A beat later he did a double-take and said, “Why not?”